一、What Exactly Is the Purpose of Go Dutch？First, Clarify These Two Points

● Common Reasons for Choosing Go Dutch:

• Avoid making one party always pay, which could lead to emotional imbalance. For example, if one person always foots the bill for meals, they might feel exhausted over time, or the other might take it for granted.

• When someone is short on cash, Go Dutch relieves financial pressure. If there’s a significant income gap, splitting costs proportionally (e.g., the higher earner pays more) is fairer.

• Some believe that separate payments foster independence, similar to outings with friends, and prevent over-relying on each other financially.

● Common Reasons for Not Choosing Go Dutch:

• Feeling that "let me treat you" shows care. For instance, offering to pay on dates makes the other person feel cared for (but if they insist on AA, it might make them feel distant).

• For couples living together or in long-term relationships, over-complicating shared expenses like utilities and rent is troublesome. It’s more flexible to let whoever has more funds cover more costs.

• Splitting gifts or travel expenses strictly might seem unromantic. For example, calculating exactly how much each person spent on birthday red envelopes feels odd.

二、More Important Than "Whether to Do Go Dutch": Have an Open Conversation

Many conflicts don’t stem from Go Dutch itself but from unclarified expectations. For example:

• Example: You see Go Dutch as "independence," but she thinks, "Are you insisting on AA because you’re treating me like a stranger?"

• How to talk about it? Ask directly:

  • "For daily meals, should we take turns paying or split the bill?"

  • "How should we share big expenses like renting a place? Do you think splitting by income proportion makes sense?"

  • "When giving gifts for festivals, should we worry about ‘reciprocity’? I buy you things to make you happy, so you don’t have to repay me."

三、Don’t Stick Rigidly to "Must Do Go Dutch" or "Never Do Go Dutch"—Flexibility Is Better

● Daily Small Expenses:

Take turns treating each other. For example, you pay for today’s meal, and she buys some drink tomorrow. There’s no need to split every cost 50/50 (e.g., transferring 50 for a 100 meal can feel awkward).

● Major Expenses:

For rent or travel, splitting by income proportion is more reasonable. If you earn ¥8,000 monthly and she earns ¥5,000, you can shoulder more instead of forcing a 50/50 split.

● Expressing Affection:

On anniversaries or birthdays, plan a surprise without expecting "she must repay my spending." Otherwise, the gesture loses its sincerity.

四、The Advantage of Lesbian Relationships: Freedom from the Old Rule That "Men Should Pay"

In heterosexual relationships, some believe "men should foot the bill," but lesbian couples aren’t bound by this outdated norm. They can freely choose their financial model:

• You can offer to pay because you want to be kind to her, not because "it’s mandatory."

• She can graciously accept or treat you next time without worrying about "seeming dependent."
  Note: Don’t force Go Dutch to "prove equality." For example, if you actually want her to treat you occasionally but fear she’ll think you’re "reliant," forcing yourself to pay will build resentment over time, harming the relationship.

Final Summary: What a Suitable Model Looks Like

• Both feel comfortable and don’t argue over money.

• Neither harbors grudges about "who paid more" or feels "indebted."

• It adapts to circumstances. For instance, if you’re unemployed, she might offer to cover more rent, and you can repay her when you’re back on your feet—this mutual understanding, not rigid Go Dutch，is key to a healthy relationship.

In short, Go Dutch is just a tool to smooth the relationship. If it causes discomfort, ditch it; if it reduces conflicts, use it. There’s no absolute "should or shouldn’t"—just communicate and decide together.